Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Eternal Return CCIII {The Urge to Punish} (watercolor and mixed media on card stock

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Eternal Return CCIII {The Urge to Punish}

Where are the decadent poets who curse at the stars? (Journal Post)

[From November 8, 2008]

I need a program, both for my life and for my philosophy. I feel as though I am getting caught in a certain mediocrity in both areas. I know, in part, why this is, at least for philosophy. There are two factors: 1. I have spent so much time working on my dissertation proposal that most of my philosophical efforts have been in the area of Nietzsche’s epistemology and it is difficult to see how I might have time in the next few years to pursue my other interests. 2. My coursework is such that I am spread so thin that I cannot focus on any single text or problem. I feel all over the place, like I can’t concentrate. Even as I sit here my mind wanders to and fro without a mooring. Next semester after I defend my proposal I intend to spend half of my productive day working on my dissertation, but I also plan to spend the other half of my productive day reading outside my area, outside Nietzsche in both Continental and analytic philosophy, thinking about problems that interest me and expanding my knowledge beyond the narrow realm of my Nietzsche specialty.

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Me by the Duero River in Peñafiel, Spain
In my broader life, I feel trapped. The women I've been meeting for dates bore me and try to get me to fall in love with them, and the people who I have considered my friends I find insipid, dull, weak, and completely caught up in norms and values that I want no part in. Why is and why has it always been so hard for me to find, make, and keep friends? I find myself despising people. I only seem to like people I date until I can fuck them, and then when they demand too much of my time, I completely lose interest. Part of me just wants to completely lose myself in my studies, discovering everything there is to know about art, culture, and philosophy and just forget about developing relationships with people whom I know I will either let down or they will let me down. I’m not afraid of betrayal. Rather, I am just afraid of not being interested or interesting and of being disgusted or bored to tears. Where are the irreverent, angry, non-conforming decadents who want to compete with one another and build each other up, create new ways of thinking, don't give a fuck about prudish bourgeois mores, write poetry, and who end every evening with by cursing at the stars or by taking someone home. Why is everyone in search of love? Where is the search for an unconventional, non-conforming greatness of character? I'm still looking.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

[NSFW] Eternal Return CLXXXVII {Academic Skepticism} (watercolor and mixed media on card stock)

NSFW art collage image after the break: 

Giving Style to One's Character (Journal Post)

[From March 10, 2008]

“To ‘give style’ to one’s character—a great and rare art! It is practiced by those who survey all the strengths and weaknesses of their nature and then fit them into an artistic plan until every one of them appears as art and reason and even weaknesses delight the eye” (GS 290). One is always being made; the question is how one will participate in that, how one will make oneself. Qualities are constantly being integrated and disposed of, the past reappropriated and reinterpreted. One is nothing more or other than the sum of one’s affects; every event that has ever occurred to one (and therefore every event) shapes who one is as an individual. However, not every event will affect one with the same weight or importance, and this is where one can engage in the art of creating oneself, of giving style to one’s character.

eternal return
Eternal Return CIV {There is no such thing as Sin}